Everything I Didn't Say
by Forever-Tangled
Summary: After Eugene Fitzherbert's passing, his wife Rapunzel finds a notebook designated to her. Rated T just because it's sad - probably the saddest I've written. Short one-shot. Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the laptop I'm writing this on.


**A/N: So I was on Pinterest the other day and saw a prompt from...somewhere. It was a CD titled "This is everything I didn't say". So here we are - thrown back a few centuries. Credit goes to whomever owns the photograph, I'm sorry I don't know who!  
So this is probably the saddest thing I've ever written and it's quite short, but I wanted to give it a go. I'm going to go cry as soon as this is done.  
**  
Rapunzel sank down to her knees, pulling the soft, leather-bound notebook from the bottom of the desk drawer. Her husband, Prince Consort Eugene Fitzherbert, had had a long life, really. He'd lived until he was seventy-five and she sixty-seven, rearing thirteen children together. But after a bout of pneumonia, he'd passed away, leaving the kingdom to her and their children, seven boys and six girls. Rapunzel had been with him down to the last heartbreaking second.

The three weeks of grieving was over. Her three eldest children, who had passed up on the throne and married into other countries, had gone back to their homes and babies. She was left to rule a kingdom and groom her fourth and fifth oldest, a son and daughter, for the throne. But as she scooped up the notebook, she felt so small, so...old. So desolate. She'd cried so much she felt she couldn't even do so one more time. She felt so weak. But as her wrinkled fingers swept across the first yellowed page, she felt her eyes well up. She'd found similar notebooks, designated for each of the children - and all of which had made them cry. But this one...it was for her.  
 _"This is everything I didn't say.  
Rapunzel, today I married you, and you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'll give this to you one day, or maybe you'll find it sometime. Regardless...here we go."  
_A sharp pain emanated from her breastbone, and she sat back on her heels, allowing her thick woolen gown to pool around her. Her short gray hair was ironically peppy in appearance and fell across her glistening green eyes, so she brushed it away with a shivering hand, reading on.  
 _"You're so, so beautiful. I've told you, I know, but you need to know this. You're so modest and liable to say I'm wrong, but the popular opinion - no, the_ _fact_ _\- still says I'm right.  
Your eyes glimmer so prettily when you laugh. If you ever wonder why I tease you so much, that's why. Plus, your smile. Geez, girl. You're perfect.  
You talk in your sleep a lot. It's cute. I've learned quite a bit through that.  
I loved every single minute of our courtship, even if it was really long. Three years, Rapunzel. Three Years! But I digress. You're a princess worth waiting for.  
Your short hair is perfect, even if you think it's too dark and 'ugly'. Just because you can't use it for anything doesn't mean it doesn't look nice.  
Revision: I'm sorry I cut your hair so short. If I could have reached, I would've cut it longer. But you know, I was kind of dying. So there." _

She gave a choking sort of laugh. She must have been seriously giving him a hard time the day he'd written that last part - about cutting her hair so short.

" _Your giggle is uncharacteristically young-sounding and I love it. You're still so unscathed by this world, I don't know how.  
You're incredibly amazing. End of story.  
You can get my nose right when you paint me! Yay! Did I mention you're amazing?_

 _Our first baby came today, Rapunzel, and can I say one thing? I don't ever want to have any more kids, that seemed to be so terribly painful. I'm sorry. You're a trooper and our little one is perfect. He might have my nose but I'm hoping he's got your eyes. Here's to being better parents than what we had as kids - wouldn't take much."_

She giggled through the tears now dribbling down her saggy cheeks. Did his younger self even think about the fact that they'd have twelve more kids after the first one? She doubted it. She flipped the page and kept reading, devouring the notebook page by page and falling in love with her husband all over again, which only hurt an incredible amount.  
By sundown, she'd reached the last page.  
" _Rapunzel Elena Fitzherbert, I know I'm not gonna last too much longer. I love you so, so much and I don't want you to be sad. We had such a wonderful life together and I'm so glad you hit me over the head all those years ago...repeatedly. I deserved it. You're strong, and you have a brood of wonderful children who have all turned out alright if I do say so myself. Sweetheart, I'll be watching over you and the kids. Take a look around - I'll be there. I just can't wipe your tears right now or laugh with you. You are my new dream, and you helped me realize and accomplish so many other dreams through the years. I love you. It's time for you to find your new dream."  
_ She hugged the notebook to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut. **I've been looking out a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what it might feel like when those lights rise into the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be? _It will be._ And what if it is? What do I do then? ** _**That's the good part, I guess. You get to go find a new dream.**_ Clutching the notebook, she left the office a mess and left to the master bedchamber, curling up in the now-oversized bed and falling fast asleep. For a moment, she thought she could feel his loving arms around her once more before she drifted off into a deep, blissful slumber, the first one in a month.

Her fourth-oldest, Jacob, found her in the bedchamber, clutching a notebook in her lifeless arms. A happy grin was split across her face, channeled with old tears and age.


End file.
